Healing

I’ve been doing this thing called not using an alarm clock to wake up, and it’s been great. I haven’t used an alarm clock in weeks until yesterday morning when I knew I’d need to because I’d gone to bed so late, but last night I went to bed early so this morning I woke up without it again. It pleases me.

•••

I have class this morning so I ought to be getting ready, but I’ve been taking my time this morning. I put the dishes away, made my coffee, listened to the birds, and now I’m here, writing. Spirit told me to write, to clear out all the stuff. So I guess I’ll be clearing for a while.

It feels really vulnerable to write? I stopped writing regularly about 7 years ago. I hear my mother’s voice, “Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.” It makes me sad to know she internalized that, and it’s lame that I internalized her, but it is what it is.

I’m clearing all that out now. Healing more, as it were.

•••

Also, I still love him, for the record. I cried and cried yesterday when Spirit told me something so clearly and do beautifully and so poignant.

We’re really never apart…