resistance: otherwise undiagnosed

[[ruminations]]

I hadn’t realized how much I tended to resist throughout my life.  Even with [[name omitted]] being upset at me currently, I’ve noticed at times I feel myself resist it by desiring to do something to change the way he feels about me.  This begs the question — why?  For peace?  Or so that I feel better about the situation?  Isn’t there already peace?  I do not need to design peace; it is already there.  So the only reason I’d reach out is to make myself feel better about the situation — which would only work if he was receptive.  So there’s still this possibility that he will reject me and I will resist his feelings again.

This is an interesting experience, the experience of acceptance and surrender and how it relates to so many aspects of my life when not otherwise realized I’d normally shown resistance.

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